Away For Christmas
by Caitlin-Chan
Summary: Another year has passed by...and Christmas has come again. Little tradgedies and one big drama collide into each other along with the little traumatizing dramas of getting ready for Christmas.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Woot! Christmas time again! This one is filled to the brim with special surprises, and the most unexpected thing happens, but you'll see what I mean in the end... Anyway, merry Christmas to everyone!

Chapter 1: An Evening Meeting

"CHRISTMAS TIME AGAAAIN!" the Ham-Hams screamed excitedly as they danced around to Christmas carols playing on a tape player. Caitlin watched them as she stirred a pot of burlee on the stove in the kitchen. Boss stood behind her with his arms wrapped around her waist and looked over her shoulder.

"Whatcha cookin'?" Boss inquired.

"Burlee."

"Never heard of it, never will have it. It sounds too French."

"Shut up, Boss..."

"When are we gonna get the tree?" Hamtaro inquired as he walked over.

"I don't know... I suppose we'll get it tomorrow so they don't run out of trees," Boss responded as he turned around toward him. "Have you guys picked out the decorations?"

"The girls are supposed to pick them out later, possibly when CC isn't busy over the stove."

"Hey!" Caitlin retorted as she turned around. "My cooking is WAY better than Boss's, and I hope you know that. And where's Bossy?"

"Pashmina and Penelope are playing with him... I think he likes watching us singing Christmas carols."

Caitlin's eyes turned into sapphire gems. "Oh, baby's first Christmas!" She sighed poetically. "This year, Christmas will be so much more special... I hope, unless Boss decides to go on some expedition to Hamster City-"

"Hey, that was for a construction project!" Boss riposted.

Caitlin nodded unsurely. "Sure, you were gone for about a week... Remind us again what you were building."

Boss turned pale. "I can't remember..."

"Oh wellys." Caitlin kissed him on the cheek. "That doesn't matter now."

"HIII," Natsu shouted as she walked into the clubhouse with Kayla and Megan following her. She was holding Kay and Jay in her arms. "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"Hey gallies," Caitlin responded. "They're complaining that I cook too much."

"Well, I'm going out for a while," Boss declared. He kissed Caitlin on the cheek as he walked out the door.

"Bye, Boss!" Caitlin called after him as the door closed shut behind him. "...I can tell he's up to something."

"He most likely is," Howdy remarked as he walked over. "Maybe he's got you a mighty fine Christmas present, heh heh heh..."

Meanwhile, Boss walked along the river. The winter evening was coming with its cool breeze and freezing night. The river was partially frozen and was a dark blue ice block. He walked in the darkness of dusk as he traveled along the river.

"Hashaa! Why are you out here?" the oh-so-familiar voice of Mike rang in his ears.

Boss sighed. "Why are you out here?"

Mike walked into sight, but he was still really hard to see since his fur was pitch black, a black that blended in with the night. "Well, I was...uh... thinking about Plan B of Plan C... I forgot about it-"

"You can shut up now."

"How about you shut up now? I forgot about it, and I really wanted to do it last Christmas, but I hadn't the chance since I forgot about it... But this year I'm going to do it."

"As long as it doesn't involve any of the others, okay?"

"Sure thing." Mike winked slyly and looked the other way with his bold, chocolate brown eyes. "I was just thinking... You and I have a lot in common. Why don't we try to befriend each other? You know, join forces or sign a treaty or something?"

Boss glanced down at the ground. "That sounds good..."

"We didn't really get off on a good foot that year and a half ago... I was just thinking if you'd like to come walk with me in the morning for my morning walk. You know, everyone has to get out of their place in the morning or they'd go insane..."

Boss nodded. "Sure, what time do you start?"

"Five. Sometimes four thirty."

"...Okay... I'll do that. Where-"

"The bench down there... I'll call you on your cellphone when I'm down there tomorrow... We can do this for a while until I get sick of you or you get sick of me."

"Alright."

"Well, I'll be down there around five tomorrow morning... Hashaa-sha!" Mike walked away into the pitch black darkness.

Boss shrugged as he walked back to the clubhouse. The Ham-Hams had already left for home, and Caitlin was now putting her burlee into the refrigerator. He walked over and whispered in her ear, "I'm going on a walk in the morning around five. I might be back around six or seven... I'm not sure. Maybe eight at the latest. If I'm not back by then, just get the others to go ahead and get the tree without me."

"Again this year?" Caitlin inquired. "They got it without you last year... You've gotta get it this year, or they'll feel outcast."

"Buh, if I let them get it without me?"

"...Never mind, I don't know what I'm talking about." Caitlin walked out of the kitchen and into the main room. Boss sighed as he followed her. She turned around toward him and whispered, "Look, this is Bossy's first Christmas. Take him on that walk with you, will you?"

Boss's eyes went wide. "I don't know... I think he should stay inside-"

"Bossy isn't going to grow much if he doesn't get any sunlight."

"There won't be any sunlight until eight, and I prob'ly will be in by then..."

"I can get everyone to stay here until you come back to get the tree. I really wanna go get it this year since I didn't last year, and you didn't either. Bossy needs to come, too."

Boss sighed. "Alrighteh. I'll be back by seven thirty. Bossy comes first."

"Oh, yes, you do remember we got the family pictures tomorrow night, right?"

"Sha... I forgot all about that... Do we have to wear anything special?"

"Don't worry, I got it all planned out. Just make sure you look nice for it."

"Oh, yeah...peh..."

Caitlin walked over to a play pen where Bossy was lying underneath a red and green blanket asleep. She picked him up and whispered, "Time for a bath, wittle Bossy Wossy!"

Bossy giggled as he kicked his little feet around in the air and flapped his ears. Caitlin spun him around in the air and whispered different remarks to him. Boss watched them spin jovially with his sparkling baby blue eyes.

_CC's so beautiful when she's so happy..._, he thought as he watched her. _So beautiful..._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A Morning Walk

The next morning...

Boss walked out the clubhouse door silently and down the dark and moist tunnel. He came to the completely frozen river outside in the cool breezy morning. It was still rather dark and seemed like night. He crossed the river and walked down the trail that ran through the park. Boss came to the bench and jumped atop of it.

Mike was not there yet, so Boss walked atop of the bench waiting for him. After a few minutes, he saw Mike walking toward it. Boss waited until Mike got atop of the bench to walk over. Mike glanced up at him with his brown eyes.

"Hashaa," Mike muttered. "Where do you want to walk to?"

Boss shrugged. "Anywhere's fine, just as long as there's no trapdoors or crap..."

Mike laughed. "In the ground? No problem. How about we just walk along the path of the trail? I don't mind."

"Sure, I suppose..."

The two enemies got down off of the bench and began walking along the trail. They left space in between them as they walked in silence. Neither of them looked at each other for the first twenty minutes.

Mike looked over at Boss with his brown eyes. "So, what are your plans for Christmas?"

"Well, it's baby's first Christmas, as CC would call it... I suppose we're going to celebrate it all the same. The Ham-Hams and I are going to get the Christmas tree before lunch time, and then after lunch I suppose we're going to decorate it... And then later tonight, we got family pictures, joy, joy..."

"Anything special you're going to do for CC since it's your first Christmas married?"

"I suppose. I'm just not sure what to do..." Boss thought for a minute. "I could possibly get her some flowers that match her eyes and maybe a dress for her, too. Maybe some jewelry... Maybe a gift card to a nice place... Maybe a lot of stuff." Boss sighed. "But I don't wanna spoil her..."

Mike glared over at him. "You gotta spoil the girl first so they'll reimburse you..."

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"...No, no, and no. I don't wanna look like a-"

"Sissy."

"Shut up, man..."

"I know how I could help you, but...it'd cost a lot on your part, but not money-wise."

"Huh?"

Mike flashed his brown eyes. "I can't exactly TELL you... It'd ruin the whole flash and cadabber!"

"Whatever that means."

"It means something you'll never understand."

"Shut up..."

"You wanna know what I'm doing for Christmas?"

"Sure."

"We're having a nice dinner at the Place... You and CC can come, too. Snoozer can also if he ever wakes up by then."

"Um, okay... Whatcha havin'?"

"Ham-Ham meat."

"...WHAT?"

"Haha! You fell for that one! No, I think we're just having traditional stuff..."

"Good... I wouldn't doubt you would..."

"...Shut up, you."

Boss and Mike walked in silence for a few more minutes. Mike seemed to be thinking about something, but everyone knows he always has to think. Boss took out his cellphone and looked at the time. It was around seven.

"Look, Mike, I gotta go... CC wanted me back around seven."

Mike nodded. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, same time?"

"Okay."

"Alright. Hashaa-sha." Mike then disappeared into the lightening darkness. Boss walked back to the clubhouse and into the tunnel. He marched down it to the door of the clubhouse. When he walked in, Caitlin was feeding Bossy at the table in the middle of the room.

Caitlin glanced up at Boss. "Have a nice walk?"

"Yeah," Boss responded as he sat down next to her. "How's Bossy this morning?"

"He's doing alright...," Caitlin declared as she shoved a spoonful of sunflower pudding into Bossy's mouth. "He hasn't thrown up any grass yet..."

"That wasn't my fault!"

"Sure..." Caitlin picked up Bossy out of his high chair and walked over to his play pen. She set him down on the red and green blanket and handed him a bottle. Bossy giggled and flapped his ears as he fell back with the bottle in his little paws.

"Aww, ISN'T HE SO FREAKIN' CUTE?!!" Caitlin shouted excitedly.

"Shut up or you're gonna scare him," Boss murmured as he stood beside her.

Bossy glanced up at the two with his large, sapphire eyes.

"And now he's going to stare at us."

"Good for you, Boss."

The Ham-Hams were all at the clubhouse by nine. Once everyone was there, they all set off to the Christmas Tree Store (such an original title, eh?) following Boss. Caitlin walked closely behind him with little Bossy, and Natsu and Howdy walked behind her holding onto Kay and Jay. Once there, the Ham-Hams bought an extraordinary tree.

While the Ham-Hams were hovering over the tree's beauty, Boss looked across the store. There were the Bad Hams choosing their tree. Mike had his arm wrapped around Stella's waist tightly, and Boss caught his eye. He looked over directly at Boss.

"Boss, help us with this tree!" the Ham-Hams called out at him.

Boss nodded as he picked up the top of the tree since it was laying down on the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Christmas Tree Decor

Later...

Once the tree was put in its place and decorated, it came time to put on the big star. Boss held it tightly and climbed up the stairs to the top of the tree. Caitlin walked up beside him with Bossy and whispered in his ear, "I think you should let Bossy put the star on."

"He'll drop it on Hamtaro's head, though," Boss remarked as he pointed at Hamtaro below the tree.

"That wouldn't be much of a bad thing, actually... At least hold him while you're putting it on."

"What if I fall?"

"...Never mind." Caitlin held Bossy closer to her as she stepped away. Boss stood up on the railing and reached toward the top of the tree. He could not quite reach it though. Boss turned around and held his arms out.

"I need Bossy to put it on. I can't reach it."

Caitlin hesitated before reluctantly handing Bossy to Boss. Boss held the star up to Bossy, and the little baby snatched onto it and began chewing on it. Boss sighed as he stood on the railing and reached out toward the tree. Bossy continued chewing on the star when Boss held him up to the top of the tree to put it on.

"Put it on the tree, Bossy...," Boss murmured as he inched farther.

Bossy gave the tree one look, the star another, and then let out an ear-ringing wail. Boss jumped out of shock but managed to keep his balance this year. He glanced back at Caitlin with a desperate look, and Caitlin got up on the railing. She took the star from Bossy and held onto him.

"Alrighteh."

"You're telling me to let YOU put it on?"

"Yes."

Boss gave another sigh as he picked up his wife and leaned out near the tree. Caitlin put the star on the top of the tree with no problem. He set her back down on the stairs but fell over the railing again this year.

"...Ow..."

"Aww, man, Boss! You landed on my thing and crushed it!" Stan whined as he pointed at him.

"Too bad I didn't fall on your head..."

Meanwhile...

Mike glanced around the living room lighted by the fire. The new Christmas tree stood glamorously next to the fireplace decorated with sparkling glass ornaments. Becky had set up the mistletoe trap at the door of the living room again.

"Ah, different from last year, yet the same," he whispered to himself. "But this year we'll be having a guest..."

"Are you talking about Plan B of Plan C?" Stella inquired as she walked over with a strand of garland.

"...Shhh... You've told the others, right?"

"Yea. They thought it was an awesome idea. Or that's what they said... They thought it was cool. I mean, it's always fun to always have other people around..."

"...You're making this up, no?"

"No."

"Alright." Mike stood up and walked over to the Christmas tree. "I gotta go Christmas shopping sometime..."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Photographer

Later that night...

"Hurry up, Boss, we don't have all night! We don't want to miss our appointment." Caitlin paced around the clubhouse table. She was wearing a black dress with jewelry that matched her eyes.

"Peh, do I really have to wear this?" Boss called from the bedroom.

"Yes! Now come out and let me see you."

Boss came out through the doorway. He wore a black jacket with a blue bowtie. "Are you sure? I look..."

"You look slopped up." Caitlin brushed the lint off of his jacket and straigtened his tie. "Take off your helmet."

"I have to?"

"YES. It doesn't match."

"Match, smatch..."

"And smatch isn't a word as far as I know. Now take it off."

Boss took off his yellow helmet and set it down on the table. He looked rather pissed off.

Bossy watched his parents from his high chair at the table. He wore black flannel pajamas with a little white nightcap. Caitlin crossed over to him and adjusted the cap. "I don't think anyone will notice he's wearing pjs..."

Through a little camera above the door, the Numbers were watching this and actually laughing so hard their sides were splitting.

"Everyone who sees these pictures will be laughing at me, CC..."

"Oh, shut up, Boss." Caitlin picked Bossy up out of his high chair and turned toward the door. "Get the car keys, and let's go! We don't want to be late."

A few minutes later, the small family came to the photo studio in the mall. The photographer read a Vogue magazine as they approached. Boss turned around to keep from laughing.

The photographer caught sight of the family. "Welcome to the photo studio! I am your photographer, Vance."

"Vance? What kind of hellish name is that?" Boss whispered into Caitlin's ear.

Vance the photographer looked at the schedule. "The Taysho-Ken family?"

"TAISHO-KUN. Ty-sho-koon. Get that in your head very quickly," Boss growled.

"Quit scaring the public, Boss... Yes, that's us." Caitlin sighed as she glared at Boss.

"Yes, ma'am! Now come this way, follow me!" Vance flexibly rotated his paw on his wrist and beckoned the family to follow him into the studio.

"This guy gives me the creeps," Boss whispered into his wife's ear.

Caitlin laughed silently and thought the same thing. Once they got into the studio, Vance pulled down a white background.

"Now, this will be the best background for the colors of your clothes," Vance said as he stood back from it. "Now position yourselves on the ground leaning against the other's shoulder and with your child in between you... That's good. Now, smile!"

"Bossy, smile!" Caitlin whispered.

Bossy looked up at the photographer like he was a mental patient that had just been released.

Vance held up a squeaky ball. "Smile for me, little boy!"

Bossy smiled unbearably cute and giggled. He reached out toward the ball. Caitlin frowned. "Um, sir... Don't make him smile with things that he can't have, he begins..."

Vance squeaked the squeaky ball. Bossy clapped and began crawling toward it. Caitlin caught him in her arms and whispered, "No, Bossy, you can't have the ball..."

Bossy got all teary in his eyes.

"No, Bossy, don't start..."

"WAAAH!" Bossy kicked the air and began crying.

Caitlin froze and just turned pale. Boss jumped up off of the ground and grabbed the photographer by his throat. "Oh, you damn photographer! What now?! You made my son begin crying, now give him the damn ball!"

"But the ball is for..."

Boss got the death glare in his eyes.

Twenty minutes later, the Taisho-Kun family walked out of the mall. Boss still looked pissed off, Caitlin had an exhausted look on her face, and Bossy had an overjoyed look on his face with the squeaky ball stuffed in his cheek pouch.

"Bossy, get that freakin' ball out of your cheek, no telling where that ball has been with that guy," Boss muttered.

"Aww, Boss, just shut up. It makes him happy." Caitlin glared down at the sidewalk.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: A Day Of Presents

The next morning...

Boss walked down to the bench again this morning. It was a week and a half before Christmas. It was a bitter cold Tuesday with a light rain. He was not exactly sure if Mike would be walking today.

Boss looked up at the bench but heard Mike coming up the other way. He stood there until Mike reached him, which he began talking immediately.

"You still in the mood to walk?" he asked.

"...What else do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking we could go Christmas shopping. I mean, we're late this morning... Five thirty..."

"I guess we could go and walk in the streets of town until the stores are open."

And the enemies set off walking down the trail to town. Neither talked until they got there around six. The stores were beginning to open now.

"Good thing it's early," Boss remarked. "No one will see me with you."

Mike scowled. "Sure thing... What are you going to get your gallie?"

"I dunno... Something that matches her eyes..."

"You like her eyes, don't you?"

"Yeah, but you know... We only have a week and a half until Christmas."

"Yes, we do. It's the fourteenth today." Mike nodded as if he were trying to insinuate something. "I wonder what I'll get Stells..."

Boss glanced around through the shops windows as they walked. He could not see anything that Caitlin would want. This continued until he saw a sign...

"Mike, I think I know exactly what to get her," he remarked as he stopped next to a window.

Mike glanced over his shoulders. His eyes then went to sparkles. "Ooooh!!! Me, too!!! Gimme!!!" Mike ran into the shop as Boss stood back outside. He then heard hamsters scream and a few gunshots, too.

"He's carrying his gun?" Boss asked himself as he stepped back from the window.

A few minutes later, Mike came back out with an envelope. He handed it to Boss. "First row, baby! ...Shut up, you. The day after Christmas..."

Boss opened the envelope and glanced in. "Fun..."

"You might wanna...er...get her something else, too. Girls don't come that cheap, especially yours."

Boss nodded. "What would I get her?"

"Something she could use."

"She could use...um...I dunno."

"Hmm... Let's go check out the jewelry store."

"Are you going to shoot more people up?"

"I didn't have to last year."

"'Didn't have to'?"

"Yeah...um...let's go...heh heh heh..." Mike began walking towards the jewelry store. Boss shrugged and followed behind him.

Meanwhile...

"I wonder where Boss is?" Caitlin asked Bossy as she rocked the little baby back and forth at the table. "Do you know, little Bossy?"

Bossy stared up at her with his big, sapphire eyes.

"Oh, so you just like to stare at me, don't you? Sigh..."

Caitlin knew something was missing somehow. She knew Christmas was not complete, and something that was about to happen would make it even more incomplete. Caitlin sighed as she glanced around the room.

"I'm back!" Boss shouted as he marched through the door. He was carrying a cartload of bags, and Boss set them down on the table. Caitlin glanced at the bags.

"What are those for?"

Boss blushed and got them off the table. "Um...you don't know..."

"That's why I asked."

"Um, Christmas..."

Caitlin took another look at the bags. "Ah. Where'd you find the money to buy it and that new watch?"

Boss paused as he quickly covered the new watch he had gotten at the jewelry store. "Oh, that was a gift from someone..."

Caitlin stared at the watch for a good minute. "It's pretty expensive. Someone who has a lot of money must've gotten it for you..."

"Um, yeah..." Boss carried the bags into the bedroom. "Don't look in these bags... They're for Christmas... Heh heh heh..."

Caitlin shrugged as she followed him. "I suppose."

Boss put all of the bags in a closet. He turned around toward Caitlin and looked directly into her sapphire eyes. Her eyes sparked with confusion.

"Is something going on that I'm not aware of?"

"What?"

"You're hiding something from me. What are you doing in the mornings?"

"I'm walking with M-... I mean, I'm just walking..."

"Walking with whom?"

"...I'm walking with Mike in the mornings. That's who." He paused. "...And no, he didn't-"

Caitlin sighed as she marched past him and out into the main room. Boss watched her as she walked away.

"Sigh, I'll never get her problem..."

Meanwhile...

"So you already went Christmas shopping?" Stella asked Mike as she followed him down the hallway.

"Well, most of it," he responded.

Stella sighed. "I haven't done any... Are you going to get a present for-"

"Yes, I am."

"Whoa, me, too."

Mike flashed his chocolate brown eyes.

"...Not that I would've if you didn't..."

"That's what I was hoping..."

With Caitlin...

"Wellys, what do I get him NOW?" Caitlin sighed. She looked around to Natsu, to Kayla, and then to Megan. "You guys know of anything?"

"BREAD IS A GOOD PRESENT," Natsu shouted randomly.

"...We'll choose to ignore that," Megan murmured.

"I've got an idea!" Kayla declared.

"What?" the three other girls asked. Kayla explained her idea, and Caitlin liked it.

"Why didn't I think of that? Of course!" Caitlin snapped her fingers. "That would be a great present for him! Let's go look for one... What are you guys gonna get?"

Megan shrugged. "Still single and still loving it."

"I'm gonna get Howdy a deodorant bar!" Natsu shouted randomly.

"...Howdy doesn't need one, though," Caitlin sighed.

"...Well, I'll figure something out..."

Kayla thought for a minute. "What would Number 1 want?"

Caitlin shrugged. "Dunno. Let's go out and look in through the windows of the shops."

Later that night...

Later that night, Boss got all of his bags back out. He set them down on the table with every single present in its own white box. Boss pulled out red wrapping paper from another bag and was going to wrap a small box.

A few minutes later, Caitlin walked over while she was feeding Bossy. She looked over Boss's shoulder.

"I thought it was a box, not a wad of paper."

Boss stared down at the box. The wrapping paper _did_ resemble a wad of paper after he wrapped the gift. "...Shut up, CC."

Caitlin sighed. "And I thought you'd be more creative than a wad of paper..."

"...Man..."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Ringing Hot Chocolate

The next morning...

"...Boss...your...cellphone's...ringing...," Caitlin murmured.

Boss opened one eye and looked over at the clock from where he was lying on the bed. It was about three thirty in the morning. He groaned as he stood up and walked over to the dresser. Boss answered it and muttered, "H...he...hello?"

"You just wake up?" Mike asked.

"...Yes...it's three thirty..."

"Wow, then I must never sleep. I'm waiting to go walking. You might wanna bring a coat or something since it's snowing..."

"It is?"

"Yup. How about this? I come on over to the clubhouse and wait for you there since it's sorta cold out here."

"Sure, I suppose..."

"Alright, be waiting for me." Boss then heard the click of Mike hanging up his cellphone. He put away his cellphone and bent down next to Caitlin.

"CC, we're gonna go on walking right now."

Caitlin opened her sapphire eyes and murmured, "Akay, whatever... Just be back by eight or so..."

Boss kissed her on the cheek. He got up off of his knees and walked out of the bedroom. Boss got his coat off of a hook next to the front door and put it on. He sat down at the table and looked toward the door.

About a minute later, he heard a knock on the door. Boss remarked, "C'mon in."

Mike walked in through the door. He glanced around in the darkness. "You don't have the light on, you know, right?"

Boss shrugged. "I didn't feel like turning it on."

Mike shrugged, too, as he walked over. He sat across from him at the table. "So aren't you going to make me something like a glass of tea or hot chocolate?"

"Sure, whatever..." Boss stood up from the table and walked into the kitchen. "He doesn't know what he's about to have... I cook so bad..." He got out the hot cocoa mix and made a few servings. Boss took it back out into the main room and set a cup on the table for himself and his guest.

"Thank you." Mike took a sip, and his chocolate brown eyes pierced the darkness as they went immediately wide. He coughed. "Um, very good..."

Boss took a sip of his hot cocoa. "Ya know, it ain't that bad..."

"Um, yeah..." Mike coughed again. "It's very...good..."

"I have to say, but CC's is better."

"Really? Cough! I would have never known..." Mike blinked as he took another sip. "Very, very, er, good..."

Boss nodded. He heard Bossy begin a long wail. "Crap... Hold on, I'm gonna check on Bossy real quick." He got up from the table and walked back into the bedroom.

Mike watched Boss walk into the bedroom and close the door. Once the door closed, he muttered, "Oh my God, that's the worse crap I've had this week..." He took another glance to the door. Mike reached into his coat pocket and took out a small, white capsule. He crushed it in his paw and put the coarse powder into Boss's hot cocoa. Mike sighed as he leaned back.

Boss walked back into the room. "Sorry 'bout that," Boss apologized as he sat back down at the table. He took a sip of his hot cocoa. "...Hmm... It's starting to go cold." Boss downed it quickly and set the cup back down on the table. "Hmm... I thought hot chocolate was supposed to wake you up..." He yawned and closed his eyes. "Is yours alright?"

Mike shrugged. "I'm not exactly thirsty..." He tapped his fingers on the table in front of him. "...Are you alright?"

Boss opened up his eyes. "Oh, sorry... I'm just tired still..."

Mike nodded. "Alright, I suppose. If you're not..."

Before he could finish his sentence, Mike watched as Boss closed his eyes and fell to the ground. He waited for a moment to see what happened, but he realized Boss had fallen completely back to sleep. Mike glanced around the room and looked at the time. It was about four.

"Alright, I've got plenty of time to get out of here..."

Later...

Caitlin glanced at the time. It was about nine thirty now, and some of the Ham-Hams should have been there any minute then. She sighed as she stood next to Bossy's play pen alone.

"I thought he said he'd be back by now for sure... He wasn't home until this time yesterday, but that's because he went shopping..."

She walked over to the table where the two cups of hot chocolate had been left. Caitlin looked at both cups. One was almost completely full, and the other was completely empty. She walked into the kitchen with the cups. Caitlin saw the pot of hot cocoa sitting next to the stove. She poured the cup and the pot out into the sink.

"I wonder what's going on around here?" she whispered to herself as she set the cups and pot in the dishwasher. Caitlin walked back into the main room and sat down at the table. She saw all of the excess wrapping paper from when Boss was wrapping gifts last night and had shoved them under the large tree. "I guess I should begin wrapping my gift..."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Away For Christmas

With Boss...

Boss opened one eye and then shut it. He then shot open his eyes. He sat up from lying on his side and glanced around. The room he was in was small and gray with a wooden table with two chairs in the middle. There was a small window near the ceiling that was half covered with snow.

Boss's whiskers quivered. He glanced around with short breaths. "Where...where am...am...am... WHERE AM I?!!"

Boss jumped up and paced around. "Where am I?!! How did I get here?!! Where is this place?!!" He came to the window and tried to jump up toward it but could not reach it. Boss stepped back from it and stared at it with glossy eyes.

"Calm down, this isn't the rapture," Mike's voice said from behind him.

He spun around toward Mike. Mike was glaring at Boss from the doorway which he had not noticed. He leaned again the door frame.

"Where am I?"

"Well...er... Oh yeah, I have to explain something..." Mike walked in through the door and closed it behind himself. "Sit down at that table, and I'll tell you."

Boss walked over to the table and sat down. Mike sat across from him.

"So you wanna know? Well, er... Where shall I begin?"

"Start at the beginning."

"Oh, yes... Well, I was scanning through all of my plan folders in my library when I found the folder of Plan C, involving the Ham-Hams. So I open it up and find Plan A of Plan C, which we've already done, if you remember those three weeks... But that linked to Plan D. So then I looked at Plan B of Plan C right behind it, and I realize 'Why didn't I do this last year?' So I took it out, showed it again to everyone, and they also forgot about it... So we reformulated the plan to fit our needs..."

"So what's the plan?"

"I'm not telling you! So anyway, that was Sunday evening, and I saw you walking around that night, so I talked you into going walking with me... I mean, I couldn't have done the same thing that I did for Plan A of Plan C because you have CC there... So that was my alternative. Next morning you walk with me, and I get to learn what you're doing for Christmas. So we work a little with that info, and then the next morning we went Christmas shopping. I get you to trust me obviously just because I buy you a crap load of expensive crap... This morning around three thirty I call you, then go over to the clubhouse, and then you fix me a cup of hot chocolate that tasted like crap. And then you go into your bedroom to tend to your little kid, so I slip one of those knockout pills into your hot chocolate, you down it, and then you get knocked out.

"Well, you obviously didn't eat a lot of Halloween candy or you did but burned it off in about five seconds because I take you and carry you all the way here, the Bad Hams Place, and put you in this old meeting room. So there you have it. My story."

"...So can I leave now?"

Mike flashed his chocolate brown eyes. "What? You're asking me if you can _leave now_? Peh, I don't think you got the point...again. ...Don't you understand?"

Boss sat there thinking for a moment.

"...Figure it out while you're away for Christmas," Mike murmured as he stood up and walked out the door.

"...I'm away for Christmas?" Boss asked himself. "...Oh no..."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Clueless, As Usual

Meanwhile...

"Where could he BE?" Caitlin shouted as she paced around the table.

"Does he have his cellphone?" Natsu inquired as she sat at the table with Kayla and Megan.

"It's on the dresser." Caitlin sighed. "I wonder why he's doing this to me again..."

"It may not be him," Megan supposed. "You would presume it was him doing this, but maybe something happened..."

"What are you proposing?" Kayla asked.

"I'm saying something could have happened to him...again."

Caitlin sighed dramatically. "I wish he knew that I hate when he does this or whenever this happens." She sat down at the table. "Maybe it's just me..."

"It's not just you, CC..." Natsu glanced down at the floor. "I mean... Maybe he just went shopping again and he doesn't know it's time to come home."

"...Mike called him about three thirty in the morning."

"He did?" Kayla asked. "What for?"

"I'm not sure. He said he was gonna go walking... That's who he's been walking with in the morning. I was half-awake, so I heard some of their conversation. Mike wanted some hot cocoa, so Boss made it. It was most likely the worst thing that guy had tasted, but peh... So he starts coughing, prolly from the bad taste, and it wakes up wittle Bossy, and he starts crying. Boss comes back into the bedroom to pacify him. When Bossy stopped crying, he walked out of the room. And then I heard the door open, and they must have gone walking... Boss never cleans up the cups, so that's most likely why I had to clean up the kitchen..."

"So you're saying he's most likely with Mike?" Megan questioned.

"Yes, most likely."

"...That may be the problem."

"How? I mean..."

"Mike prolly put something in that hot cocoa of his..."

"I really doubt that though." Caitlin sighed. "Ah, it doesn't mean anything until he doesn't come home till late this night..."

"Or he doesn't at all."

"True," Natsu murmured. "What if he doesn't?"

Caitlin sighed. "Dunno. Let's do some more shopping, gallies." She got up from the table and walked out the door. The three other double agents glanced around at each other and then got up to follow behind her.

Once they got into town, it was a big mess. It was a flush of green and red, and the whole town was covered with Santa hats. _Everyone_ had them. The four double agents bought new Santa hats and wore them around town.

"What should I get him...?" Caitlin asked herself as she wandered away from the rest of the group. When she snapped back into reality, she was standing alone in a mob of hamsters. Caitlin sighed as she walked over to a store window and looked in idly.

"Cait!" Mike's voice called out.

Caitlin spun around on her heels. Mike was walking quickly toward her.

"Hey," Caitlin remarked. "Do you know-"

Mike held up his paw. "I have no idea. We were walking, and then he went in some other direction... I have no idea."

"...Wellys, I WAS gonna ask you that and if you had seen Natsu and them or not."

"Oh, no..." Mike shook his head. He glanced around. "Um, I better go."

"Wait-"

Too late, Mike had already run the other way. Caitlin sighed. "I wonder what his problem is. Might he be in relation with this? I didn't quite understand what he tried to tell me..."

"Caitlin!"

Caitlin turned around. The three other double agents were running over to her.

"Where did you go?" Kayla asked.

"I don't know..." Caitlin shrugged.

"Wow, intelligent," Megan remarked.

"I just saw Mike..."

"Did he know anything?"

"He didn't quite tell me anything... He just said he had better go and ran off."

"Obvious he's planning something."

"Yes, I believe."

Meanwhile a few minutes later...

Boss glanced idly out the window from the table. He was sort of in some kind of daze thinking. He could see the snow pile atop of it and feel the striking cold of each snowflake. Boss sighed and muttered, "...And this is just depressing, like my wife..."

"Oh, shut up, you," Mike murmured. He was sitting across from him at the table. "Your wife is just mildly depressing... This is "

"How do you know? You're wearing a coat..."

Mike glanced down at his brown coat. "Shut up, you."

"So how do I explain this to CC? 'HAHAHA, I got mail!'?"

"...Where the crap did that come from?"

"I have no idea... So how do I explain this one?"

"...I dunno. Say, 'Oh, I went to visit my other family' for me, alright?"

"Hell, no... I don't even have another family..."

"...Fine then. I will...eventually. Say...'Oh, sorry, I was being a dumbass and drank that hot cocoa that Mike put a knockout pill in.' How about that?"

"Sure, that sounds good enough...excluding the dumbass part..."

"Then you wouldn't be telling the truth." Mike shrugged.

"Shut up, man..."

"That's me." Mike glanced away toward the door. He got up from the table and walked out. Boss glared after him and sighed. He sat there for a minute before Mike came back in. Mike was carrying a bowl and a spoon. He slung it down in front of Boss and sat back down.

"What's this?"

"Try it, and then I'll tell you."

"Poison, right?"

"No...not this time."

Boss rolled his eyes and glared at the contents of the bowl. It was some sort of yellow-brown custard, and heat was rising from it. He then tried it.

"...Wow... What is this?"

"Well, heh, your wife made it... I took it out of your refrigerator... It's that burlee stuff."

"...Dammit."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Off-Topic Distraction

In the meantime...

"Boss should have been home by now. It's about lunch time!" Caitlin sighed. She and the three other girls were now sitting at the clubhouse's table in the main room.

Megan nodded. "I think-"

"I wonder what's holding him up?"

Megan glared at her. "I think-"

"Could it be that he doesn't know what time it is?"

Megan stood up from her stool. "I THINK-"

"Or-"

"I THINK... I think something bad happened to him while he was with Mike, which is the clue word." Megan sat back down in her stool.

"...You know, you've a point," Caitlin remarked. "I'm gonna go check it out." She got up from her stool and stood next to the door. "...Anyone coming with me?"

"He'll prob'ly do something to your mind," Kayla said.

"Like everyone else!" Natsu jumped up from her stool and ran over to the door. "I'M COMING! I'M COMING!"

"...Good God, Natsu, you don't have to yell in my ear." Caitlin and Natsu then walked out of the clubhouse. They walked down to the river where it was partly frozen and crossed it. The river had a layer of light blue ice over it. The white snow crystals covered the ground like a blanket as they walked to the Bad Hams Place.

Caitlin rang the doorbell. She could then hear someone running up the stairs to answer the door a few minutes later. The door then opened. In the doorway was Mike.

"Hashaa, CC, Natalie." He looked away with a faraway look. "C'mon in."

The two girls followed Mike down the stairs, through the front room, down the corridors, and into the living room. There was a roaring blaze in the fireplace with a garland decorated with crystals atop of it. The tree was decorated with great crystal and glass ornaments with a large diamond star at the top.

Mike sat back in his leather chair. The two girls took a seat on the couch. There was some of the other Bad Hams in there, and they were talking in low murmurs.

"...So, what's up?" Mike inquired as he directed his attention toward them.

"Wellys," Caitlin started, "I was wondering if you knew where Boss went. He hasn't come back yet..."

Mike shrugged. "I dunno."

"Where was the last you saw him?"

"Let's see... We went out on our walk, and then he was acting sort of weird as if he was thinking about something. Finally around nine, we part, I come back here, enjoy the fireplace..."

"So where were you guys when you parted?"

"H...uh... The woods down there?"

"...Hmm..."

"What?" Mike flashed his brown eyes as he leaned forward.

"I suppose he'd be around there."

Mike sighed and leaned back. "Yes. I'm not sure. It felt like just this morning..."

"It WAS just this morning."

Mike shrugged. "Why don't you girls go Christmas shopping with Stella and Becky?"

Stella and Becky walked into the living room.

Caitlin nodded. "C'mon, let's go! Let's also go get the other gallies."

Later...

"How does this dress look?" Caitlin held up an elegant black dress with a red stripe near the bottom.

"Pretty," Kayla responded.

The girls, Caitlin, Natsu, Kayla, Megan, Stella, and Becky, were in a boutique shop currently. Caitlin went into a dressing room to try on the dress. A few minutes later she came out.

"How does it look?" Caitlin spun in front of the mirror and flopped her long, dark brown hair.

"Pretty," Stella and Becky replied.

After a while, the group went back to the clubhouse except for Stella and Becky who went back to the Bad Hams Place. The other Ham-Hams were sitting around the table waiting for them.

"So what's up, guys?" Kayla inquired as the other girls sat down at the table.

"Well," Maxwell began, "we were thinking of planning another Christmas party this year. What do you think?"

"Yeah!" everyone shouted.

"...Self-explanatory." He brought out the chalk board from its usual place. Maxwell spent a moment marking on it with a piece of chalk. "...Alright. The only Ham-Ham who isn't here at the moment is Boss, right?"

"Yes," Caitlin muttered.

"I guess we'll pick someplace to fit him in since he's not here." Maxwell shrugged. "Anyway..."

Meanwhile...

"Er, I guess it's a good thing I got all my Christmas shopping done and my presents wrapped..." Boss rubbed his paws together. Everytime he breathed, out came a cold ring of air. It was freezing where he was. "It always just has to be me... Everything bad always happens to me. If only, if only..."

Boss glanced around the cold room. It was gray as it could be with gray walls. It also had a busted light bulb as a source of light, but it did not work. The snow was piled next to the high window. It was beginning to become darker since the afternoon was progressing into the evening. One the table was the empty bowl with its metal spoon.

Boss sighed. "CC's not gonna like this. She's gonna think this is something that is _my_ fault... She always blames things on me. Now... Wait, what does that have to do with anything? Peh..." He glanced around wearily. "I have no idea what I'm gonna do about this..."

Boss sighed again as he glanced back toward the window. "Hmm... If only I could think like CC, I would be miles away..."

Later in the night...

Caitlin sighed as she sat in Boss's armchair. He had not returned yet obviously. She held Bossy close to her as she fed him. "Oh, Bossy, I wonder where your father got to..."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Return Award

That weekend...

Caitlin paced around the table with worry silhouetting her mind. Bossy watched her with concern as he sat in his highchair. Natsu, Megan, and Kayla were also sitting at the table.

"C'mon, Cait," Kayla remarked, "I think Megan has a point here."

Megan nodded. "Yeah, I suppose. That's what I firmly believe."

"Yeah, I think so." Natsu glanced away toward the door. "I mean, that or you scared him off..."

Caitlin sighed. "Alright, gallies, here's the deal: a reward for his return. If any of you find him and he's running away, drag him back here for a reward of fifty bucks."

"Woot! Fifty bucks!" Natsu jumped up from her stool and ran around the room.

Meanwhile...

Boss kept looking out the window. He could tell it was a beautiful yet cold Friday morning. The cold slipped right through the glass of the window. It hung over him before finally condensing on his fur.

The wooden door swung open, and Mike entered. He was wearing his coat again due to the cold of the room. Mike set another bowl down in front of his acquaintence.

"Poison?"

"Not today." Mike sat down.

Boss shrugged.

"...And where did your sense of humor go? Your wife is much more funnier than you and she enjoys certain remarks... She has a great sense of humor, unlike you. Peh, and I wonder why she ever wanted a guy like you."

Boss rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

"So..." Mike listened to the enduring silence.

"I still don't understand the point of this."

Mike glanced down at the ground. "You don't get it? Don't you know what this is all about?"

"You mention CC a lot."

"Exactly."

Boss stared at Mike blankly. "Are you saying you like her?"

"Yes, I am."

"But-"

"But don't you get the point?"

Boss focused his stare at the ground. "But..."

Mike got up from his chair and walked out of the room.

"Damn, I hate that guy..." Boss sighed angrily. "I need to figure something out... How to get out of here..." He glanced toward the window and then to the door. "I have two possible exits. Now..." His expression turned blank. "What's the next step? I heard CC tell it to the girls once..."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Party Time

The next Monday...

Caitlin had her head in her paws. Natsu, Megan, and Kayla were wondering, too, where Boss had gone now.

Caitlin glanced up at her three friends. "What do I DO?"

"I'd go over there and ask Mike what's up." Megan nodded. "He's got some role in this, that's for sure..."

Caitlin nodded. "Yeah, but... What if he won't tell me?"

"Threaten to quit the Bad Hams," Kayla suggested.

"I'm not sure if that would be such a good idea," Natsu remarked. "Mike could get onto you about it..."

Caitlin nodded. "It may be about me. Oh, God... I'm scared, guys."

The three girls glanced at Caitlin blankly.

With Boss...

Boss found himself like he did the first evening he was stuck: sitting at a wooden table in a wooden chair with an empty bowl and metal spoon in front of him.

"I just gotta think through this for a few minutes...," he muttered to himself. "Alright, I have two possible exits: the door and the window. Now..." Boss paused. "...I need to figure out what I have. I have one wooden table, two wooden chairs, a bowl, and a spoon. Now what's next?" He sighed. "I can only remember one step at a time...

"Alright, I have two possible exits and I know my supplies. I guess now I must... ...er... ...Find how I can use them to get out. I can always try to break down the door with a chair... I'll try that."

Boss stood up and picked up the wooden chair. He held it so the four legs of the chair pointed away from him. Boss stepped a few paces toward the door and ran toward it with the chair. When he hit, the chair was not powerful enough to penetrate the door, so it ricocheted off of the door. Boss landed back onto the floor but jumped back up.

"Alright, the chair's not powerful enough..." Boss glared at it. "So I guess I can use my own body weight..."

Boss poised himself and rammed the door. He bounced off of it back into the floor. He jumped back up and continued ramming the door. Finally, Boss rammed it one last time, and it bounced him off. He landed back onto the ground.

Boss lied there trying to find the energy to get back up and try some more. Pains and aches settled in with the cold, frigid air.

"Okay, I give up." Boss propped himself up on one elbow and continued glaring at the door. "This is useless... I'm never going to get home until after Christmas, that's for sure..."

Later...

"Alright, the party's all set up!" Maxwell turned away from the chalk board. "Now we just have to wait until it comes up and get all of the supplies together. Any suggestions?"

The Ham-Hams shrugged.

"Alright!" Maxwell recovered the chalk board and pushed it back into its corner.

Caitlin glanced toward Natsu, Megan, and Kayla. "Hey, guys, don't we need to go somewhere?"

They glanced back toward her and nodded. "Alright, Ham-Hams, we're out for a while." The four girls got up from the table and walked out. They walked to the Bad Hams Place, inside of it, down the stairs, through the front room, down the corridor, and into the living room where the other Bad Hams were.

Mike looked up at them. "Hashaa, double agents. You're just in time for our Christmas party plans."

"We just finished the clubhouse's over there." The double agents sat down on the rug in front of the warm fire.

Mike nodded as he stood up from his leather chair. "Alright, Bad Hams, let's get started on our plans for the Christmas party. Any ideas right off the bat?"

Caitlin raised her paw in the air. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me, Mike!"

Mike nodded toward her.

Caitlin stood up. "How about we play Dirty Santa with ornaments!"

"Ooh, good idea..."

"What is Dirty Santa?" Kayla asked.

Caitlin glanced around. "It's where presents, or in our case, we'll use ornaments, are all wrapped up and put in the center. Names are all put into a container, and a name is drawn out. The person picks a package and opens it. This goes on, but if one person who goes next wants one of the ornaments someone else has got, the person with the ornament has got to give it to them. One ornament can only be stolen twice, and whoever has it, that's their ornament officially and no one can take it."

"Oh, I've played that before," Megan remarked.

"It's really fun." Caitlin sat back down.

"Anymore ideas?" Mike inquired.

Natsu stood up. "We could have a present exchange where everyone brings a wrapped present and everyone's names are put into a container. Someone draws the name of someone, and they get the present that the person who they drew from the container brought."

Mike nodded as Natsu sat back down. "Good ideas... Now everyone be here this year for this Christmas dinner... You gallies will just have to leave those guys hanging. Natalie, if you want, you can bring your husband if he knows where he's coming..."

Natsu shrugged. "I'll ask him if he wants to."

"CC, you, too."

Caitlin looked up at Mike with a desperate look in her eyes.

"...Uh... He's still not back?" Mike shot his glance toward the fire.

"No...," CC whispered. "I don't know where he went..."

Stella shot a sharp glare over toward Mike. Mike remarked, "Well, there must be something up, I suppose. I don't know."

Stella sighed and shook her head. Mike took note of this and decided to change the subject quickly. "You know the Christmas parade is in two days... Why don't we do something this year in it?"

"Yeah!" Becky shouted. "Throw paintballs at the little kids! YAY!"

"Ooh, that does sound like fun...," Number 2 mumbled.

"There's also that Hometown Christmas thing," Mike said. "We could go there and have our own fun..."

"Isn't that this evening?" Caitlin glanced around.

"Yeah... Let's all go."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: The Christmas Train

Later that evening...

"This is a pretty weird thing...," Caitlin muttered.

The Bad Hams stood in the middle of the street. The Hometown Christmas was an occasion where the town gathered on the main street of town and did different events.

"Ooh, there's tree decorating!" Stella glanced over at Becky and the four double agents. "Let's go do that."

The six girls walked away to go decorate a tree.

"...Let's go see what's around," Mike remarked to the other Bad Hams.

They nodded and began walking around. There was a buffet, and some of the Numbers and Roger stopped there. Mike perked up his ears as the rest of the Numbers walked on past him. He turned to his left to see...

"All aboard!" a portly man called from the front of a child's play train. Little children ran toward the train and got on. Mike displayed a malignant, wacked-out grin on his face and got in the last car on the train.

"Um...sir?" The portly man driving the child's play train walked to the side of the car Mike was in. "Er, this is for-"

Mike glared at him.

"Oh, yes, welcome aboard!" The portly man ran back to the front. He got in the front car and pressed the button to make it go. It began to go about five miles per hour.

"TOO FAST! TOO FAST!" Mike shouted in an annoying, high-pitched voice.

All of the little children turned around and stared at Mike. The portly man driving the play train slowed the train down to one mile per hour.

"STILL TOO FAST! TOO FAST! TOO FAST!" Mike could hardly keep himself from laughing as loudly as he was screaming in the annoying, high-pitched voice.

The Numbers caught sight of the train. They began laughing hard. The train began going around bends in the miniature track.

"WHEE!" Mike had a high look on his face and waved his paws in the air wildly. "WHEEEEE!!!"

The little children stared and stared only.

But then suddenly the train started going down a little hill and shaking! Mike stood up on the little train and started rocking it. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

The little children started screaming and crying. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, MOMMY!!!"

Mike kept himself from laughing barely. "EVERYONE, JUMP!"

All of the little children stood up in their seats and jumped out onto the pavement of the road. Mike then began laughing at them as they fell on their fronts and began crying. The Numbers joined in the chorus. Even the girls decorating a Christmas tree laughed with their fellow Bad Hams.

"Aww, so mean, Mike!!!" Stella laughed.

The Christmas train then was chased by little kids trying to get back in as it went around a curve in the track and disappeared out of sight. A few minutes later, Mike came back with a shirt that said, "I survived the Christmas Train!"

"Oh my God, Mike!" Caitlin laughed. "Where did you get that?"

"Oh, this guy that also saw the Christmas train incident made it for me... It was so much fun!" Mike laughed.

"Mike, how many bottles of wine have you had this evening?" Natsu asked.

"Oh, I had a Riesling earlier and then six random bottles I found..."

"We can tell!" the girls giggled in unison.

A/N: ...Actually, the above event with the Christmas train actually happened to one of my friends. One of the things in this ficcy that have been taken out of my real life. XD


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town! :D

"Anyway, we entered our Christmas tree for the contest," Stella remarked as she looked at the finished tree. It literally looked as if a professional team had decorated it. "Maybe we might win... The prize is our Christmas tree in the newspaper and a visit from Santa Claus."

"A visit from Santa Claus? What the hell?" Number 1 began laughing, too.

Stella giggled. "'Santa Claus' is going to be asking the whole party of winners and bringing one of them what they want when he visits them on Thursday. I got a few things in mind..." She flashed her silver eyes.

"Santa, Santa, I want a pony!" Mike and Number 1 chanted in high-pitched girlish voices.

"Attention all contestants!" an announcer announced through a microphone. "The judges will now go see all of the Christmas trees!"

The judges began looking at all of the trees. They seemed to like the tree the Bad Ham girls decorated. The girls blushed after they were complimented how nicely they had done.

About thirty minutes later, the announcer came onto the microphone again. "Would everyone please come to the center stage?"

The Bad Hams walked together to the center stage. Mike held tightly onto Stella's paw with one paw and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. Roger and Becky also held paws, and so did Number 1 and Kayla. Caitlin watched them while silently muttering curses under her breath.

"And the winners that will get their Christmas tree showcased in the daily newspaper and a visit from Santa Claus are..." The announcer paused to open the envelope that was given to him from the judges. After he finally got it open, he gave the piece of paper a hard look and glanced toward the judges. When he knew it was no mistake, he continued. "The Bad Hams! Congrats!"

"YEAH, SANTA!" Mike and Number 1 shouted in hilarious high-pitched voices.

There was not much applause. Mike walked up to the center stage and showcased the death glare in his brown eyes. "...AHEM."

The crowd burst with applause. The rest of the Bad Hams walked up to the center stage.

"Anyway, congratulations!" the announcer exclaimed. "Great job, guys. Your tree looks awesome!"

"You apparently didn't think so at first." Mike glared at him.

"Oh, but it WAS awesome! Anyway, I'll take a picture of your tree, and some or all of you guys can stand next to it." The announcer jumped off of the stage. The Bad Hams led him to their tree. Mike and Stella stood next to the tree for the picture. Once the announcer took the picture, he led the Bad Hams into the mall down the street. They walked all the way to the set-up where "Santa Claus" was. Santa sat on a big, green chair with a despaired look on his face.

"YEAH, SANTA!" Mike and Number 1 shouted again with humor in their voices.

"Oh my God," Santa, a pudgy gray hamster with a real beard, muttered to one of his helpers. "Do I have to ask all of them?"

"YES." Santa's helper, a midget dark brown hamster, batted his eyes. "Alright, one at a time..."

"I'M FIRST!" Number 1 ran up to Santa. He sat in his lap and giggled like a little boy in preschool.

"Um, what is your name, sir?" Santa coughed.

"I'M NOT A SIR, I'M A BOY!" Number 1 shouted in a high-pitched voice.

"Er... What is your name, little boy?" Santa coughed again.

The other Numbers laughed.

"MY NAME IS NUMBER 1, AND I CAN KILL YOUR ASS!"

"Oh, so nice of you to say... So, how old are you?"

"I AM FOUR!" Number 1 displayed a childish look on his face.

"Alright, it's cute when little kids do that, but not guys in their twenties..." Santa shook his head. "What do you want, Number 1?"

"I WANT A PONY!" Number 1 clapped his paws childishly. "AND IF YOU DON'T BRING IT, MY LAWYER WILL BE IN CONTACT WITH YOU!"

"Oh dear God..." Kayla laughed even though she was slightly embarassed by her boyfriend.

"Okay, have a good day! Next!" Santa looked desperately at his helper.

"GIMME MY PONY!" Number 1 screamed with his hilariously high-pitched voice.

"God, get off me! You're about to break me in half!"

Number 1 stood up and walked back to the other Bad Hams who were laughing so hard they could barely breathe. After the rest of the Numbers talked to Santa either like Number 1 or like a fickle little girl, Santa was practically worn out.

"I can't take much more... Next!"

Roger walked up to Santa. "Bonjour."

"Oh, thank God, he's not gonna crush me," Santa muttered.

Roger crossed his arms. "Si vous êtes vraiment Santa, vous pouvez comprendre ce que je dis."

Santa looked toward Mike. "...What did he say?"

"Vous n'êtes pas vraiment Santa! Vous êtes un article truqué!" Roger growled. "Santa peut comprendre toutes les langues." He walked away.

"...NEXT." Santa looked pissed off.

Becky ran over to Santa and sat down on his lap. "Ooh, hi, Santa! Remember me, Becky?"

"No, but yes."

"Anyway, for Christmas, I want that French guy to propose to me!"

"You wanna marry that guy?"

"Yes!" Becky giggled and blushed. "Now!" She stood up and ran back over to the Bad Hams. Natsu then walked over to Santa.

"Hi!!!" Natsu sat down on his lap. "I'm NATSU! Yee!"

"Let me guess. You want more sugar for Christmas?"

"HOW DID YOU KNOW? GASP!" Natsu got up and ran back toward the Bad Hams.

"Good God, I hate this job..." Santa looked despairingly at his nonhelpful helper.

Megan then walked over to Santa. "Santa, I'm going to save you from sitting on you and crushing you like the Numbers attempted to do, but I just want one thing... I want the painting _The Waltz_ from Biltmore Estate."

"That's gonna happen your dreams," Santa muttered under his breath. "Anyway, next!"

Kayla walked up to Santa hesitantly. "I don't know what I want..."

"NEXT!"

"Peh, fine, then..." Kayla crossed her arms and walked back over.

Stella skipped over to Santa. "Hashaa!" She sat down on his lap.

"Um... What do you want for Christmas?" Santa glanced around.

Stella thought for a minute. "_Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree for me... Been an awful good-_"

"Er, could you go over to your husband and sing that to him? Not saying you're a bad singer, you're good, but... I can't afford that much..."

Stella flashed her silver eyes. "Ooh, good idea..."

"Next!"

Mike walked over. "I want a Christmas train!" He kicked Santa in the shin. "Now!"

"OW!" Santa doubled over and rubbed his shin. "Is there anyone else, for the love of God?"

Caitlin walked up. "I'm the last person! YAY!"

"YAY, indeed. Now what do you want?"

"I want my husband to quit running away from me."

"Don't you all..."

Caitlin turned pale. "No, you don't understand... I want him to come home."

"Your husband ran away?"

"I don't know... He disappeared almost a week ago."

"Wow, tough luck, gal."

"No! You don't understand! Something happened, but I don't know what... You didn't happen to see a guy with a yellow helmet this week, did you?"

"Nope."

"DAMMIT!" Caitlin jumped up and down. "HAS ANYONE?"

There was silence.

Caitlin glanced down. "No luck here... Anyway, I gotta get home to my son..."

Later...

"You didn't happen to see CC, did you?"

"Yes. Yes, I did see her."

"How is she doing? Is she alright?"

"I would never know if she was alright in her head or not. Maybe, maybe not."

"I mean, is she alright without me?"

"Not really."

"...Then...?"

"Nope. Sorry, I got everything already laid out how I want it all to happen."

"C'mon..."

"Oh, quit whining. Do you like dark cells instead?"

"No..."

"That's what I thought." Mike flashed his chocolate brown eyes.

"Christmas wish number one: I hope you die."

"And I hope everyone else does, too. Maybe that's because that might be the end of the world."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: The Christmas Parade

Early Wednesday morning...

"Mike, why are you up so early every morning?" Stella rubbed her eyes and closed them again.

Mike walked back over to the bed. "This morning is the Christmas parade, dontcha remember?"

Stella pulled the blanket back over her head. "Wake me up in an hour...or a few, when it's a decent time..."

"You don't think two is a decent time?"

"No, now wake me up at six."

"That's a late time..."

Later that morning...

Caitlin sighed as she walked around the clubhouse table. "I'm sorry, Pashmina, I hope Bossy isn't doing you any trouble to babysit everyday..."

Pashmina set down her coffee cup. "Nah. He just wants a lot of things. Penelope likes him, don't you?"

Penelope sat on the floor with her arms crossed with an unpleasant look on her face.

"See, Caity? No problem."

"Well, could you watch after him all morning? I gotta go do a float for the parade, and I didn't want him to be out there in all that cold and I was afraid he'd get sick..."

"Sure." Pashmina stood up. "Bossy doesn't bother us." She walked over to the playpin where Bossy was lying under a blanket asleep. She picked him up. "Say bye to Mommy, Bossy!"

Bossy hiccupped.

Once they left, Caitlin went to go get ready for the parade. She dyed all of her brown fur black and put on a black dress. Caitlin sighed as she walked back into the main room to get a few flyers...

"Hey, Cait, c'mon in." Mike opened the big double doors that led into the Bad Hams Place. Caitlin walked past him into the Place.

"So when is the parade?"

"It begins at ten."

"It's only eight thirty..."

"We gotta go check out our float."

At nine, all of the Bad Hams left together to the parade. All of the guys were wearing black shirts and black jeans, and all of the girls were wearing black dresses. When they got to the parade, Stella asked, "Where's our float?"

Mike had an unbearably awesome grin on his face. "You'll see what I've arranged..." He then began walking down the line past all of the floats. The other Bad Hams glanced at each other and shrugged.

When Mike stopped, he pointed to a float. "That's ours."

It was a float, alright. I'll give it that at the least. It was a large, black float decorated with a big Christmas tree in the middle. The Christmas tree was kiddishly decorated, but in the middle read a sign...

"'Complimentarily decorated by the children who survived the Christmas train'?!?" Number 1 laughed so hard he actually fell back onto the pavement. "Mike, that's freakin' hilarious! You got them to do all of the decors?"

Mike laughed, too. "Yeah, what do you expect?"

Stella shook her head and put it in her paws. "Oh, dear God..."

A familiar guy came around the corner... Caitlin glanced up at him and knew exactly who it was. She pulled on Natsu's sleeve and whispered, "Oh my God..."

Natsu turned pale but then looked around. "What?"

"It's Vance, that gay-as-a-flower photographer!"

Vance approached the float. "Hello! Mrs. Taisho-Kun?"

Caitlin turned pale. "Y-, I mean, no, I'm Cait Shoxxi. I'm a friend of hers." Caitlin glanced down at the flyers she was holding onto and held one up. "Have you, er, seen her husband?"

Mike stared blankly at Caitlin with his jaw dropped open. He wanted to laugh, yet it sort of wasn't funny. He slapped his forehead and shook his head with a deep, groaning sigh.

Vance shook his head. "Report it to the police, not me." He turned toward all of the Bad Hams. "Anyhoo, I was hired by the parade to pose everyone on their floats. Listen up, peeps!"

"Oh, dear God," Number 1 whispered into Kayla's ear.

"Just what I think," Kayla muttered.

"Alright, all of ya big guys back there behind and surrounding the Christmas tree!" Vance clapped his paws together.

While Vance put the Numbers into place, Mike glared sharply at Caitlin. "_What the hell do you think you're doing, Cait?_"

Caitlin shrugged. "I just thought I'd try to find him, that's all."

"Alright, the rest of you, get on the float!" Vance beckoned the last eight to get onto the float. "Alright, Master Mike, get in the middle."

"Now this guy knows some class..." Mike stood in the middle of the float.

"Alright, Mistress Stella, stand beside him on the right..."

Stella followed his instructions.

"Roger and Becky, stand beside Stella. And alright, Shoxxi girls... Miss Cait, you stand on Mike's left, and then Natalie, Dilla, and Kay-Z, in that order!"

"He must be a big Bad Ham fan," Natsu whispered into the other double agents' ears. "He actually knew our aliases."

"Alright, that looks good! Stay like that!" Vance then walked down to the next float.

"Hold on, guys, I gotta go put up these flyers," Caitlin remarked as she stepped down off of the float.

"Cait, get back here!" Mike apparently did not like the flyers. "That makes us look bad..."

Too late, Caitlin was already running down the sidewalk passing out the flyers and posting the flyers. The people who saw the flyers looked dumbfounded and kind of amused.

"Alright, the flyers are out!" Caitlin got back onto the float. "Maybe that might help..."

Mike sighed and shook his head. Stella nudged him hard in his ribs and whispered, "How much longer are you gonna do this to this poor girl?"

"I truly don't know," Mike mumbled.

Caitlin stood beside Mike and sighed. "If you guys know anything, I'll appreciate it if you tell me."

"_SHE'S SUSPICIOUS_," Stella whispered fiercely into Mike's ear.

"_I KNOW_," he growled quietly. He coughed.

"Anyway, who's driving this?" Megan asked Mike.

"One of the parents' of the children who survived the Christmas train." A cute and mischevious grin covered Mike's face that actually made Caitlin begin giggling silently.

"Where's the children that survived the Christmas train?" Kayla inquired.

"Look beside the float."

Everyone looked on both sides of the float. There were the children who survived the Christmas train with huge bags of candy.

"Wow, so we don't have to throw out candy? Yay!" Number 1 continued laughing his head off.

"Natsu, what do you have?" Caitlin questioned as she poked the big bag Natsu was holding onto. "Becky has one of those bags, too..."

Natsu opened the bag. It was filled to the brim with paint balls.

"OH MY GOD!" Caitlin laughed.

Soon the Christmas parade began. Mike glanced around a few glances before wrapping both arms around the girls' waists that were standing next to him. Caitlin was caught off-balance by this and fell over. Mike sighed and shook his head.

"I'm okay!" Caitlin stood back up. Mike tried again to wrap his arm around her waist, and it actually worked this time because Caitlin wasn't being so lame. Stella giggled because of the first part that she was being firmly held against Mike's side and the second part that Caitlin was just lame like she is in real life.

"Hey!"

Anyway...

Caitlin glanced around and thought, _Alright, I just hope Boss isn't around for this part of the parade... I hope he doesn't see me snuggled against the side of a pure Sex God. But I _do_ hope some of those Ham-Hams do see me... HEH!_

The children who survived the Christmas train walked alongside the float throwing out the candy. They practically dumped out the whole bag of candy to the first few people. Natsu and Becky were occasionally throwing their paint balls at certain little children. One child tried to eat it but found only paint!

"HAHAHAHA!" Natsu and Becky laughed.

The little children ran out of candy after about forty minutes. Natsu and Becky also had run out of paint balls. One of the little kids tripped, and...

"Was there a bump in the road?" Mike glanced around.

Caitlin's jaw dropped. Natsu and Kayla began laughing, and so did the Numbers. Megan and Stella shook their heads along with Roger and Caitlin. Mike slapped his forehead and shook his head. He then actually began laughing, so now it was the laughing float.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Surprised Talk

After the parade...

"No, that's not him." Caitlin hung up her cellphone. "Sigh, can't people learn how to perfectly match people?" She walked back into the clubhouse.

Pashmina was sitting at the table, Penelope sat next to her looking mad, and Bossy sat in his high chair giggling. Caitlin walked over to the table.

"Thanks for watching Bossy again for me." Caitlin picked him up out of his high chair. "Heylo, Bossy Wossy!"

Bossy giggled and kicked his little feet in the air. He flapped his ears happily. But then he sneezed.

"We were watching the parade, but we stood inside a little store," Pashmina explained. She batted her eyes. "Did I see you with someone, did I?"

Caitlin turned pale as she sat down at the table. "What are you talking about?"

Pashmina giggled. "You were standing next to Mike with his arm wrapped around your waist! You can't forget that so easily." She blushed. "Why didn't you tell me you were a Bad Ham, Miss Shoxxi?" Pashmina laughed.

Caitlin blushed yet turned wan. "Shh... Don't tell anyone else."

"Does Boss know?"

"...No..."

"Oh, what if he saw you in that parade? He'd be so mad we wouldn't see him for weeks!"

Caitlin glanced down at Bossy. "It's too bad. I mean, if he did see me, he deserves it... Why isn't he home, Pashmina?"

Pashmina shrugged. "Anyway, you looked pretty standing up there next to him. You were all red in your cheeks, too." She flashed her eyes. "Tell me, what did he feel like?"

"Mike?"

"Yeah!" Pashmina bounced excitedly.

"Well... His fur was very fine, very clean... He smelled...like an awesome cologne. Um... He was very warm."

"I mean, was he muscular?"

"His arm was very strong. He held me so close to him that at first I thought I'd suffocate." Caitlin paused to think for a minute. "What else do you want to know?"

"How did he hold you?"

"He held me close to his side."

"I mean, how did he-"

"Pashmina, I never knew you were this perverted." Caitlin shrugged. "I don't know. He just had his arm wrapped around my waist right close to him. That's about it."

Pashmina got stars in her eyes. "If only..."

"You want to be a Bad Ham?"

Pashmina shrugged. "No, I could go for being a slave." She giggled as she got up from the table. "Anyway, _hashaa-sha, Miss Cait Shoxxi!_"

"Hashaa-sha."

Meanwhile...

Boss continued to sit thinking. He thought until his mind itched with cluelessness. He tried to look for things that would help think for him, but no luck in a small gray room.

The wooden door opened, and Mike came waltzing in. He was still wearing his clothes from the parade as he sat down at the table.

"Hashaa, how are you?"

"Hamha, just fine. You?"

"Oh, trying to pull a stunt on the Stunt Master?" Mike flashed his chocolate brown eyes. "I already pulled a stunt on you this morning."

"What the hell were you guys doing this morning anyway?" Boss flashed his baby blue eyes in a Mike-manner.

"I can see you're easily taking after myself." Mike glanced away. "Alright, let's start this over. _Hashaa, how are you?_"

"_Hashaa, I'm fine. You?_"

"Ha! I made you say that. I win!" Mike flashed his eyes again with Boss reflecting the flash of the eye. "Anyway, I've got a few, er, things to say... Alright, I'm going to say it plain-out and I KNOW you've heard this before and feel lied to, but I'm going to tell the truth for once for your sake so I can tell my awesome story."

"What?"

"Okay, your wife really IS one of my double agents. Get over it." Mike glanced away toward the ground with Boss doing the same.

Silence unveiled itself and filled the cold room. Though light, it might as well have been dark and suited the mood more.

Boss glanced back up. "Tell me more."

"Her alias is Miss Cait Shoxxi."

"How long has she been a Bad Ham?"

"A long time before she even met you."

"How did she get it?"

"Actually, I kinda forced her in... Alright, I'm going to tell another truth: I like Cait's style. I like _her_. Alright? Now get over that, too."

"So what were you going to tell me before you had to explain that?"

"Well, what did we do this morning?"

"Yes." Boss lost some color yet regained it just as quick.

"We were in the Christmas parade, what were you thinking? Anyway, she stood next to me because that gay-as-a-flower photographer that was hired by the parade to pose everyone put her there next to me and Stella. I got to go through the whole parade with my arm wrapped around her waist and her snuggling right into my side. So ha, I'm the pure Sex God, I could tell she was thinking that."

Boss glanced down at the ground. "She hardly lets me hold her close anymore..."

"Well, guys with heavy weight and girls like her that are as fragile as an antique vase don't go well together."

"Are you saying I'm fat?!?"

"No, I'm saying you spend too much time in front of the television. I'm pretty strong (she liked my muscles, too, I could tell!), but I'm as light as a flower." Mike seemed to indulge himself with his own words.

Boss rolled his eyes while thinking, _Well, he's got a point... Ever since we had Bossy back in August, I have seemed to ignore her and given Bossy more attention... Maybe I should rethink my ways. You know, I'm actually learning something through this..._ "So, you think I'm spending all my freetime ignoring everyone?"

"Yes, I am. Do you know how much time I spend with Stella doing literally nothing but talking while staring up at a black ceiling?"

"Are you sure you're doing nothing?"

"Er, yes. I'm pretty sure... Eh, shut up. Anyway, do you know how much time?"

"No."

"Two hours talking at night. Now you know why everyone loves me. I actually socialize. On Friday and Saturday nights, all of us have a good time out or just hang out here. You're welcome to come sometime if you want. I just don't think you're especially enjoying those little kids anymore playing all of that innocent stuff..."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Those little kids just sit around playing with plastic things. We have everything you can imagine... I mean, if we don't have it, we can afford it at least."

"Yeah, Mike. I'll join you sometime."

Mike glanced up at Boss. "You really want to hang out with me and the rest of the guys? You, Mr. Ham-Ham Leader?"

"Yes, _Master Mike Montgomery_."

Mike paused. He coughed. "Alright, I'll think on that." He got up from the table and came to the door.

"Hashaa-sha, Mike."

Mike turned around with a surprised look on his face. "Hashaa-sha, Boss." He opened the door.

"Wait, do you mind coming back later?"

Mike turned around. "What for?"

"Just wanna talk. You know?"

Mike leaned up against the door frame. "I think you're actually beginning to understand everything I've been trying to show you. Sure, I'll be back later."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Santa And The Burnt Tree

Thursday...

"Sigh, tomorrow's Christmas Eve!" Caitlin sighed as she paced around the room. Bossy clung close to her and also seemed to worry about his father. He wore a tiny elf hat that Caitlin had bought for him.

"Ah well, I guess. That's all I can say. Those flyers haven't done any good... What do you think, Bossy?"

Bossy looked up at her with his bright, sapphire eyes.

Later that morning...

The Ham-Hams were now around the tree. Everyone was at the clubhouse now.

"None of you guys have seen him since he disappeared?" Caitlin sighed.

All of the Ham-Hams shook their heads. Caitlin looked up at the tree...

"Kayla, what the hell are you doing?"

Kayla glanced down from the top of the stairs. "Oh, just playing with the lights..."

"Wait, don't do that!"

Kayla glanced down and got distracted. The light bulb she was handling fell off. Kayla fell back onto the stairs and rolled down the stairs. The tree then caught fire!

"Oh no!" the Ham-Hams screamed.

"Hurry, everyone, go get buckets and water!" Caitlin shouted at them. The Ham-Hams quickly grabbed buckets out of a closet and ran out the tunnel to the river to get water to pour on the fire. When they came back, Kayla tried fanning the fire, but it got bigger. The Ham-Hams dumped their buckets of water on the fire and eventually got it out after about ten minutes.

Caitlin stared at the tree with Bossy clutching her with the death grip. "It looks...like...a big ashtray."

Only the star remained on the tree.

Natsu began singing. "O, BURNT TREE! O, BURNT TREE! HOW BEAUTIFUL ARE YOUR ASHES!"

"It looks like a big ashtray!" Caitlin laughed hard as Bossy stared at her with a scared look.

"Um, we should go...," Megan whispered as she grabbed Caitlin by her shoulder and dragged her out of the clubhouse with Natsu and Kayla following them.

The four double agents walked over to the Bad Hams Place. They walked through the front door and into the living room. Mike was not in there are the moment unlike the rest of the Bad Hams. They were awaiting Santa's arrival.

Mike walked into the living room. "Alright, Santa's supposed to be here any minute now. Got the banner?"

Number 1 held up a small sign that said, "Welcome Santa.?!"

"What the hell is up with the punctuation?"

"Oh, I made it." Number 1 nodded proudly. "I have to act like a four year old because I told Santa I was four..."

"O, BURNT TREE! O, BURNT TREE! HOW BEAUTIFUL ARE YOUR ASHES!" Natsu sang loudly.

"What the...?" Mike sighed and slapped his forehead.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Mike got up and walked out of the living room. He walked down the hallway, through the front room, up the stairs, and opened the door. The poor guy Santa stood there with a big bag slung over his shoulder.

"Are they gone?" Santa looked somewhat relieved.

"No, everyone's waiting in the living room. C'mon in." Mike led Santa to the living room.

"WELCOME, SANTA!" everyone shouted in annoying, high-pitched voices. Number 1 held up his illiterate sign.

Santa stood in the middle of the room. He opened his sack and muttered, "Alright, my magical elf-"

"YOU HAVE A MAGICAL ELF? GASP!" Natsu gasped.

"...Anyway... My magical elf-"

"HE HAS A MAGICAL ELF!"

"...HE picked for me. And he picked..." Santa got out a piece of paper from his pocket. "...Number 1."

"YEAH!" Number 1 shouted. "YEAH, I WIN! YOU LOSE! HA, I WIN BECAUSE I'M AWESOME!"

Santa brought out a wrapped box from his bag and handed it to Number 1. He shook his head and sighed. Number 1 giggled, "HEHEHEHEHEHE, I GOT A PONY!!!"

"Oh my God," Kayla laughed.

Number 1 ripped off all of the wrapping paper. He shot the lid of the box off and looked inside with a high look on his face. Number 1 looked confused as he brought out a big plush pony.

"...I WANTED A REAL PONY, SANTA!" Number 1 looked up, but Santa had disappeared. He shrugged and threw the pony at Caitlin. "Give that to your son."

Caitlin glared at the pony along with Bossy. "You want him to be like what you wanted to be?"

"Oh, shut up, I was hilarious... Fine then, take it to your husband."

Caitlin sniffled, "He's not home yet..."

Stella nudged Mike in the ribs. Mike jumped up. "Then give it to Natsu to give to Kay."

"YEAH!" Natsu took the pony and hugged it.

Stella sighed.

"I think we should leave...," Caitlin muttered as she got up from her seat on the couch.

"Wait, Cait." Mike flashed his brown eyes. "...Um... I... You know the Christmas party is tomorrow, right? It starts at six..."

Caitlin nodded. "We know." She turned around. "Let's go see what happened to the tree now, shall we?" She and the three other double agents then left.

When the four double agents got back to the clubhouse, the Ham-Hams were around it mourning over it. Natsu began singing her Christmas tree song, and Caitlin was just laughing. If Bossy could have talked then, he would have been asking her what her problem was just by the look on his face.

"Christmas is ruined!" Hamtaro cried.

"How is it ruined by a little Christmas tree?" Caitlin inquired as she barely kept from laughing.

No one really could answer that.

"See? Christmas is still Christmas, no matter what. If you have your loved ones..." Caitlin's face turned red, and Bossy started crying. She also joined in the chorus.

Through a little camera Mike saw this. He flashed his chocolate brown eyes. Stella glared hard at him.

"She loves him, you know that, right?"

"Yes, but..."

Stella shook her head and walked out.

Mike glared after her. "I'll never understand her problem..."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Reconsiderations

Christmas Eve...

The Christmas Eve was awakened now. Snow was falling from the sky steadily with each individual snowflake being created by many different creators. Everyone was now awakening to the beautiful scene.

Mike sat straight up this morning at six, his late time. He looked toward the window which was shrouded with the curtain. Mike glanced down toward Stella, who was sleeping soundlessly beside him. He nudged her in her ribs.

Stella opened her silver eyes and yawned pleasantly. "Good morning, Mikey..."

Mike stood up off of their bed and walked toward the window. He pulled the curtain back and met the snow with his chocolate brown eyes. Stella sat upward and glanced out the window.

"Another white Christmas." Stella looked back over toward Mike. "...You don't understand what I'm thinking, do you?"

Mike turned toward her. "Do what?"

"You don't understand what I'm supposed to be thinking about, do you?"

"The first Christmas we had together?"

"No. Not about us. About...CC. About her and her husband. I now know why you're doing this."

Mike turned pale. "You're not saying-"

"Yes, I am. You like her too much."

Mike glanced down at the ground. "I just don't wanna lose her as a-"

"No, you don't wanna lose your chances with her." Stella stood up. "You haven't even said anything to me really yet. So bah, humbug to you, too!" Stella turned angrily on her heels and marched out the door.

Mike glared after her. "...Is she still on her period right now?" He paused and thought for a minute. _She has a point. I haven't done anything for anyone this holiday season. I think I'm doing Cait a favor, but really I'm killing her...on accident. I don't want to lose her... Stella thinks I love her in a certain way, but I don't. I love her like a sister, and I thought her husband wasn't good enough for her..._

Meanwhile...

Caitlin looked at the gifts under the tree. They had somehow unrealistically been dodged from the fire. She remembered her present for Boss and how excited she was when she bought it for him...

"I gotta get out of here," she whispered to herself as she walked over to Bossy's playpen. He stared up at her with his beautiful sapphire blue eyes. Caitlin picked him up and put him in a flannel Elf outfit that she had gotten the day before. Bossy giggled as she put an Elf hat on his head. He flapped his ears as she put on her black dress and put her pale brown hair up with a red rose. Caitlin put a red scarf on her and Bossy.

"Now we have matching scarves!" Caitlin laughed. "I bought one for Boss for Christmas...if he comes home. Anyway, let's go do some last minute shopping." She spun Bossy in the air and held him close to her bosom as she walked out of the door into the cold.

The snow came down around her as she walked to town. Bossy giggled happily as he tried catching it in his little paws. He flapped his ears down to keep out the cold. Caitlin smiled at him merrily.

Once in town, Caitlin did a little last-minute shopping. She bought things for everyone that she was going to get gifts for and sent the gifts for friends that lived out of the area.

"Cait!"

Caitlin turned around. She saw Mike walking toward her from down the sidewalk.

"Oh, hashaa."

"So, you're coming to our Christmas party later tonight, right?" Mike's bold, chocolate brown eyes shone.

Caitlin shrugged as she pulled her scarf closer to her. "I don't know. I might just wait at home for Boss... Sigh, what's happened to him this time?" She sighed dreadfully as she held Bossy closer to her. "I just wish... I just wish that I knew he was alright. I mean, Christmas is all about being with your loved ones, and he's my one and only..."

_This isn't going well..._, Mike thought to himself. "Come anyway. Maybe something might happen..."

Caitlin glared at him. "Alright, I'll be there. I'm bringing Bossy with me since I don't have a babysitter for him." She turned away and walked back toward the clubhouse.

_Oh, dear Lord, now I have to end my plan two days short_, Mike thought to himself as he walked back toward the Bad Hams Place.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Sorrys, Thank Yous, And An Unplanned Decision

Later...

The Ham-Ham party had begun at four in the afternoon. The four double agents were having their own fun. This party ended at six, and then they were supposed to go to the way more funner Christmas party at the Bad Hams Place.

Meanwhile...

"So... Yes. Hurry up now." Mike glanced around. "You only have about an hour and a half... Stay here though." He turned on his heels from the closed wooden door and walked into the living room a few corridors down. It was set up perfectly, and he could not find a flaw in his perfect plan. "I guess this is now a lesson to expect the worse and the best at the same time and what this event is all about..."

Mike paced around the living room for about an hour until all of the Bad Hams came in. He watched and finally walked to the middle of the room. "Alright... Where's Cait and the other three?"

Stella looked up. "She's prolly still back at her place waiting for someone..." She rolled her eyes, which said, "Bah, humbug!" "She just doesn't know when some people aren't coming..."

"Uh, Stella, weren't you listening?"

"Listening to what?"

"Oh, dear Lord... She wasn't listening to what I said earlier today..."

"Er, yeah, you never said anything," Number 1 murmured.

Mike turned pale for a minute. He coughed. "I didn't say anything about it? I thought I did..."

"...Non, vous deed not say aneetheeng," Roger mumbled.

Mike regained his color. "Well, I'm tired of watching Cait mope around and all, so I just thought-"

"You're going to end the plan two days early." Stella flashed her silver eyes.

"...Yes. Yes. Yes, I am."

Number 1 sighed. "Reasonable, considering you like her..."

"Anyway, I'm going to go get them." Mike turned. Number 1 jumped up and followed him out of the living room. They walked to the front of the Bad Hams Place where there was a sleigh.

Mike glanced at it. "Where the hell did that come from?"

Number 1 shrugged. "Must be some passerbyers. Let's steal it!" He jumped into it. "...It has nothing to pull it with."

Mike jumped into the sleigh, too. "Oh, it's one of those electronic ones." He pressed a button that was in front of Number 1. The sleigh then took off with lightning speed. The two Bad Hams looked for ways to control it, but they could not find a way to.

"Oh shit, now we're going to crash into something and die." Mike rolled his eyes.

The sleigh bounced across the river somehow and stopped in front of the clubhouse. Mike gave it a hard look. "This thing's freaky. But anyway, Number 1, stay here." He jumped out of the sleigh and walked down the tunnel. Once he came to the door, Mike gave it a good kick. Caitlin, Natsu, Megan, and Kayla answered the door. Caitlin was holding onto Bossy, and Natsu was holding onto Kay and Jay.

"Alright, c'mon," Mike remarked.

The four double agents followed behind him back to the sleigh. They seemed confused, too, when they saw it.

"Um... Is that thing safe?" Caitlin asked as she held Bossy tightly.

"You know, I wouldn't be able to tell you," Mike responded as he got in. "C'mon. Number 1, I'll take your spot and you can sit next to your girlfriend... C'mon, we don't have all night!"

Once everyone was in and ready, the sleigh took off again. It stopped in front of the Bad Hams Place. The six Bad Hams got out of the sleigh and entered. They walked all the way to the living room and took their places.

"Alright," Mike announced once everyone was seated and situated. "After I finish talking, we're going to go on and have our Christmas dinner." He looked over at Caitlin. "Anyway, I want to start off with giving awards." Mike brought out a large box hidden behind the Christmas tree.

"Okay, I know, we've had once again a successful year. Plenty of things have happened, but we've pulled together during the hard times. Such as back in March when that Jake guy came along, we got two more double agents, Natalie aka Natsu and Dilla aka Megan. Also when Cait and Natalie were busy with their little kids, Kay-Z aka Kayla joined our double agents.

"But getting to my point, our double agents do a lot for us, so I wanted to award them." Mike opened the box. He pulled out four small boxes and handed one to each of them. "Go ahead and open them to show everyone whatcha got."

Kayla was the first to rip hers open. She brought out a large ruby necklace that read "Kay-Z" on it. "Yay!"

Megan opened hers next. She got a large opal necklace with "Dilla" on it.

Natsu tore open hers as if it were a piece of bread. She had gotten an amethyst necklace that read "Natalie" on it.

Caitlin then opened hers. She lifted the box lid slowly. She brought out a sapphire necklace with "Cait" on it. She found a note at the bottom that said, "Cait, I got something better for you in a few minutes. Don't leave before then. -Mike."

"Thank you!" the four double agents said in unison.

"Also the Numbers are the original Bad Hams, including myself." Mike quickly flashed an egotistical grin. "This year, because of many requests, for them, I bought more gym equipment and games for the game room. Pretty nice, if you ask me... It's already set up.

"Alright, next. Becky and Roger. Both of you have now been with us for one and a half year. Pretty good. In the middle, you two announced your love for each other, if you remember that event... Anyway, I thought I would give them both a token of appreciation." Mike brought out two small boxes and handed them to Roger and Becky.

They both opened theirs at the same time. Roger got a gold ring with a silver band in the middle. Becky got a golden ring with a peridot.

"Thank you, Mike," Becky whispered.

"Merci, Master Mike." Roger bowed.

Mike continued. "Alright, now Stella. Oh, long story about what happened between us all of this time we've been together... Many different things."

"_Good morning, little boy and girl!_" Natsu whispered into Caitlin's ear. Caitlin was very amused by this quote that Number 1 had said in Mike's story when they were dealing with Jake.

"Despite some experiences, we got married back in March a week after dealing with Jake. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew exactly how much I loved her." Mike got down on his knees in front of Stella. He took out a small box and handed it to her.

Stella gingerly opened the box. Inside was a golden ornament with silver accents. The ornament was a heart that read "First Christmas Married." Stella blushed a bright pink. She kissed Mike on his lips. "Thanks, Mikey... Oh, yes, merry Christmas."

Mike stood up off of his knees. "That's about it, except for one thing..." He turned toward Caitlin. "Cait, I know it's been a hard one for you this season, and I actually started feeling sorry for you."

"'Feeling sorry for me'?" Caitlin stared blankly back at him.

"You might want someone else to hold your little kid for you." Mike took Bossy out of Caitlin's paws and handed him to Becky. "Alright, I'll be right back. Just get ready." He walked out the door of the living room.

Caitlin glanced around the room. "Be ready for what?"

Stella smiled. "You'll see."

About ten minutes later, Mike came back to the door of the living room. "Cait?"

Caitlin stood up. "Did I do something? Are you going to now tell me I'm not really a Bad Ham, which I really am, and kill me?"

Mike laughed and laughed only with a jovial grin on his face. "Oh, dear Lord! Just get ready."

"I'm ready." She glanced down at the floor.

Mike walked through the doorway and stepped out of its way. "C'mon, she's here waiting for you!"

Caitlin looked up when she heard someone walk into the doorway. "OH MY GOD! BOSS!" She ran into Boss, who was standing in the doorway. He held her tightly.

"I'm here now..." Boss looked into her sapphire eyes.

Caitlin's eyes watered. "Boss..."

"AHEM." Mike coughed.

The couple looked up. They were underneath the mistletoe supplied by Becky, thank you. Caitlin kissed Boss on the cheek. "Boss... Were you..."

"Yes. Yes. Yes, I was."

"...I can tell, you're replying like Mike now." Caitlin hugged him tightly as if she let go the world would end.

"Let's all make the sound effect," Mike muttered.

Everyone then went, "AWWW!"

"Oh, shut up, you," Boss mumbled.

"Anyway, I've got a few things to say, but I'm gonna say them at dinner, so let's go." Mike turned toward the door with Stella beside him. Everyone else followed.

After everyone served themselves at the great buffet put together by Stella, Becky, and the double agents who made platters for it, everyone fell silent as Mike stood up at the head of the table. He cleared his throat.

"Alright, great year, everyone, as I said. But now, I want to clear everything up that I have gotten confused through everyone." Mike took a deep breath. "My own mistake."

"Wow, you admitted you made a mistake." Caitlin laughed.

Mike coughed and continued. "Anyway, I owe my biggest apology to Stella. I'm sorry...er...I got you confused by saying all of this complicated crap. Stella, you're my only true love, and I want you to know that.

"Also, I owe a big apology to the Taisho-Kun family. I'm also sorry about that photographer even though I couldn't help his, er, ways. I want to say sorry for making you guys suffer because of my own opinion."

"What's your, er, opinion?" Boss flashed his baby blue eyes.

Mike paused a minute. "I didn't quite think you were good enough for Caitlin-Chan here. I love her like a sister I never had, and I wasn't sure about you. So that's my explanation for everything that happened this holiday. I got it confused with a lot of different things, but I'm really sorry for that. That only. Not sorry about anything else..."

"Actually, Mike, I want to say something here." Boss cleared his throat. "I'm sorry about everything I've done. Everything I've done period. I've made everything complicated for you. And now, that's why I want to tell you that you're a great guy after I talked to you for a while. You didn't even offer me anything this time." He took a quick breath. "But I wish you did."

Mike paused. "What do you mean by that?"

"I wish you did offer me a position in the Bad Hams. After I learned my own wife had a position as a double agent, I actually wanted to be invited in. Surprisingly, you disappointed me once again."

Mike continued staring into space. He thought for a minute. He looked like he had the burden of heavy thought going through his mind. "Well, I could say I don't blame you or I can go ahead and say that I'm overwhelmed with that thought. Or I could offer you a position as a double agent, I wouldn't doubt you'd do great with that..."

Boss took a sharp breath in. "I would like it if you offered me that, Mike Montgomery."

"Yes, I would like it if you accepted that offer, Boss Taisho-Kun."

A round of applause comes from the rest of the Bad Hams.

"Wow, is this happening?" Caitlin whispered with excitement into Natsu's ear.

"Yeah, it is..." Natsu glanced into space. "I never thought I'd see this day..."

Mike sat down in his chair. "Anyway, I'll let you sign all of the papers after the holiday so we don't have to worry about it right now until we get our party done. Anyway, everyone, enjoy your Christmas dinner! Oh, before I forget..." Mike got up again and walked into the kitchen from the dining room. He came back with a big pot. "Anyone want any hot chocolate? I made it with no crushed pills in it..."

Boss actually began laughing, but no one else got it. Caitlin had also brought in a few bowls of burlee, and she could not figure out why Boss _now_ liked it unlike when he said he would never try it at the beginning of this story. After the Christmas dinner, all of the Bad Hams returned to the living room.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Games And Fun Time The Bad Ham Way

"Alright, time to play Dirty Santa everyone!" Mike flashed his eyes. "Everyone, get out the ornaments you were supposed to bring. Don't worry, I got extras if you forgot... Anyone not wanting to play?"

The only Numbers that wanted to play were Number 1 and Number 2 because Kayla made Number 1 play and Number 2 felt sorry for him so he also was in the game. Roger did not really want to play, but Becky made him. Boss was about to skip, but Caitlin also made him. Caitlin let the other Numbers look after Bossy in the mini playpen she brought with her. Mike then gave everyone playing a piece of paper with a number on it.

"Everyone knows how to play, right?"

Everyone nodded.

"Okay, first person up!"

"Oh yeah, the number one man of every girl's dreams!" Number 1 yelled loudly as he jumped up. He picked up a gift bag and looked in.

"Oh, that's the one I brought!" Stella shouted.

Number 1 took out a big, pink, fluffy ornament. "This is the best ornament EVER!" he yelled as he jumped up and down. "No one better steal mine, otherwise they're going to have yellow jeans!"

"Alright, next!"

"That's me!" Natsu shouted. She picked up a bag and looked in. Natsu brought out a purple ornament with big sparkles. "I brought this one! YEAH!"

"Alright, next!"

Roger stood up from his seat. He looked at the bags but then he looked at the other ornaments.

"Yeah, Rog," Mike laughed, "you can steal any of these awesome ornaments."

Roger laughed. "I'm going to steal Number 1's!"

Number 1 held onto his ornament. "But this is the most awesome ornament ever!"

Roger held out his paw. Number 1 threw the ornament at him and stole Natsu's ornament. "This one is more awesome though."

"Fine then," Stella laughed.

Natsu got back up and opened another ornament. It was a navy blue ornament with fluffy stuff.

"I brought that one," Becky said.

"Alright, I'm next." Mike stood up and picked up a gift bag.

"Oh, Mike, I brought that one." Number 1 began laughing.

Mike took out the ornament and began laughing so hard he could not breathe. It was a red and black corset ornament that read "Sex God" on it. Everyone else began laughing. "Dear God... Save us all!"

"Oh yeah, the perfect description for Mike." Caitlin laughed.

"I'm next!" Number 2 got up from his seat and chose a bag.

"That's the one I brought!" Megan shouted.

He brought out a large glass ornament that was adorned with a ribbon. "THIS IS SO FREAKIN' AWESOME!"

"Alright, my turn!" Stella stood up and stole Number 2's ornament. "This is so mine!"

Number 2 got back up and stole Natsu's ornament.

"Everything's getting stolen from me!" Natsu laughed. She then stole Roger's ornament. Roger got back up and opened another bag.

"I brought that one!" Mike laughed. "I was hoping you'd get that one..."

Roger brought out the ornament. It was an ornament of a camera. Roger blushed and hit his forehead with his paw. "Dear Messiah..."

"I'm next!" Becky shouted as she got up. She picked up a bag.

"That's mine!" Kayla yelled.

Becky reached into the bag and fished out a big, black star ornament. "YAY!"

"My turn," Megan remarked as she stood up. She picked up a bag.

"Thaat eez mine!" Roger remarked loudly.

Megan brought out a blue bowtie ornament, and she burst into laughter. "This is so tacky! I love it!"

"Alright, I'm next." Boss stood up and stole Number 1's ornament. "Haha, I stole yours!"

"Man!" Number 1 growled and laughed as he picked up a bag.

"I brought that one!" Number 2 shouted.

Number 1 brought out an ornament that was crystal clear. It had a tag on it. The ornament opened up. Out of it came a black thong. "OH MY GOD, YOU GOT THIS AT VICTORIA'S SECRET!"

"Oh yeah, Number 1, let's go see that on," Kayla teased.

"I'll pass that opportunity, but I'll take my turn in this game," Caitlin muttered as she laughed silently. "I'm gonna play it safe and open my own gift." She opened the bag that she brought. She took out an ornament in the shape of a silver bell. "YEAH!"

Kayla stood up. "I'm last!" She glared at the last bag. "Should I open it and end the game?"

"Oh yeah, Kay-Z, dontcha want my ornament?" Number 1 laughed.

"You wish." She laughed.

Mike said, "That's the extra one I brought since Boss didn't have one. Trust me, you'll like it..."

Kayla laughed again as she picked up the bag. "Alright, I'll open it..." She opened the bag and brought out a box on a string with a spinney handle. "What is it?"

"Go ahead and see..." Mike concealed laughter.

Kayla started turning the handle. It made the music to "Pop, Goes the Weazel." When the music finished, a laughing clown popped out of the box! Kayla screamed and fell back. The other Bad Hams began laughing.

"OH YEAH, I forgot you were afraid of clowns." Mike laughed so hard he could not breathe again.

Later that night, everyone got tired. Everyone was ready for the next day after all of the games and events were over. Caitlin and Boss walked to the door together with Mike following them. Bossy was asleep as Boss carried him. When they got to the front room, the three all paused.

Boss flashed his baby blue eyes. "I met you in this room, and I met Caitlin in this hallway."

Mike nodded. "Yes."

Caitlin nodded, too. She quickly embraced Mike in a warm hug. He hugged her, too.

"Mike, you're my only brother," Caitlin whispered.

"And you're my only little sister." Mike found himself with a small smile on his face. He turned toward Boss. "And you're my brother-in-law, I assume."

Boss nodded. "Have a very merry Christmas, Mike."

"A very merry Christmas to you, too, Mr. and Mrs. Taisho-Kun." Mike turned around on his heels and walked down the hallway.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: The End Of It

Christmas Day...

"Wake up, Boss, it's Christmas morning!" Caitlin shook him slightly as Boss opened his eyes.

"Alright, I'm up." Boss jumped up out of bed. He walked over to Bossy's crib and gently woke him up. Bossy giggled as Boss picked him up and walked with him out into the main room to the ashtray tree. Caitlin followed.

"Aww, look at all of your gifts from Santa Claus!" Caitlin cooed as she took Bossy from Boss and set him down against a poofy pillow next to a big pile of presents that were neatly wrapped. Bossy giggled and tried to eat the presents.

Snoozer had already opened up what he got, a new pillow and a new sock. He continued snoring away atop of the table.

Boss helped Bossy unwrap all of his presents. Bossy got various toys and items, including a cute outfit for special occasions. Bossy seemed to like all of the presents he got and tried to eat them.

"Come over here and open your present, Boss," Caitlin remarked as she pushed a box out from behind the ashtray tree. She also brought out a smaller box.

Boss unwrapped the boxes. "Wow, a plasma TV and a surround-sound system!? How did you know?!?"

"I wonder..." Caitlin laughed.

"I got an early anniversary present for you." Boss brought out a small box and handed it to Caitlin. Caitlin excitedly unwrapped it and found...

"A ring!"

It was a silver band with a big ruby cut out in the shape of a heart with two sapphire stones next to it. Caitlin hugged Boss tightly. "Thank you!"

"Look in the bottom of the box." Boss winked.

Caitlin looked at the bottom of the box. "OH MY GOD! You really got these?!?"

"Yeah, so did Mike."

Caitlin brought out two tickets. "Oh my God... Front row tickets for the Unfinished Thought concert tomorrow night!!!" She excitedly yipped and hugged Boss again. "So Mike got tickets, too?"

"Yeah, he did."

Caitlin clapped her paws together excitedly. "You two can get to know each other even more! Do you know how much what happened last night between you two meant to me?"

"I'm sure I could never understand how much it meant to you." Boss kissed Caitlin on the cheek.

There was then a knock on the door. Boss jumped up and answered the door.

"Oh, hashaa! Come on in."

Mike walked in through the door. "I have a gift that you two will like...I hope." He walked back through the door and pulled a huge box in on a platform. Mike kicked the box open, and then...

"Oh my God, Dance Dance Revolution!" Caitlin screamed as she hugged it. "Let's try it out!"

"Um, I don't know how to play that game," Boss muttered.

Too late, Caitlin and Mike already had it on and going. Boss had never even heard of the game, but he watched them play it.

After they finished, Boss thanked, "Thanks for it. I'm sure CC will have a great time with it."

Mike winked with an awesome grin on his face. "Sure thing. Can't wait for the concert tomorrow night, can you?"

"It'll be a great time that we have to get to know each other." Boss paused. "Merry Christmas, brother."

Mike paused before enhancing his smile. "Merry Christmas to you, too, brother. It'll be a pleasure working with you in the Bad Hams."

**MERRY CHRISTMAS! THE END**


End file.
